Oprah Winfrey describes aha moments as sudden insights that illuminate our lives. Three months after I suffered a massive stroke, I experienced the most profound aha moment of my existence: I need to honor and love myself before I can truly honor and love those around me.
That realization was earth-shattering for someone who had spent 35 years seeking validation everywhere but within.
The Familiar Trio of Self-Sabotage
Fear, self-doubt, and unworthiness had been my constant companions long before the stroke entered my story. These sidekicks whispered their poison during simple moments—a first date would trigger thoughts like “If he doesn’t like me I will die… I know he’s not that into me. I can feel it… I am not worthy.”
I became masterful at masking these feelings with artificial courage, confidence, and worth. I wore personas like armor, believing that external validation could fill the void within. Then the stroke happened, and my faithful sidekicks were right there in the aftermath, louder than ever.
When Everything Falls Apart
The stroke left my thoughts and speech malfunctioning. On the outside, I smiled, replying “Okay” to let everyone know I was fine when nothing could be further from the truth. Inside, my mind was chaos.
My sidekicks had a field day. “Your family is going to be furious at this hiccup in your life… The man you were dating won’t want to be in your presence because you’re sick… Your friends won’t want to be your friends… MY HAIR IS A MESS!”
Seriously? I had survived a stroke, and my prima donna was complaining about messy hair? Yet despite my inner turmoil, everyone—my family, the man who became my dear friend, all my friends—showed me nothing but love and support. Their care filled me with gratitude, even as I struggled to process this new reality.
The Breaking Point That Became a Breakthrough
Three months post-stroke, my supervisors called with devastating news: I was being fired for medical reasons. I understood the business logic, but my sidekicks convinced me to mutter a meek “Okay” before hanging up.
I had never been fired before that November day in 2008. The numbness was overwhelming. Then I started to cry, and my parents were oddly elated. My father told me that crying meant I was healing.
As I sobbed, reality crashed over me—this stroke really happened. This wasn’t a nightmare I could wake up from. But in that moment of complete breakdown, a different question emerged: What about me? Not my family, my friends, or even my hair. What about me? Why am I here?
The Aha That Changed Everything
And there it was—my aha moment crystallizing with startling clarity: I need to honor and love myself.
The truth hit like lightning. I had been seeking happiness in other people’s perceptions of me. My self-worth was entirely dependent on external approval ratings. When people disapproved of me or my actions, I plummeted into depression.
The stroke had stripped away all pretenses, revealing this fundamental truth: I had been looking for love in all the wrong places. I needed to find it within myself first.
Returning to Our Original Nature
As babies, we automatically love our truest selves—no race, religion, gender, or political affiliations involved. Just pure, unconditional self-acceptance. At 35, I was finally beginning the journey back to that state, ready to reconnect with and honor my authentic self.
The stroke, devastating as it was, became my greatest teacher. It forced me to confront the reality that I had been living my entire life seeking validation from external sources while neglecting the most important relationship of all—the one with myself.
Sometimes our greatest breakdowns become our most profound breakthroughs. My stroke didn’t just change my brain; it awakened my soul to a truth I had been running from my entire life.
So, what’s next?